a new leaf 🍃

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Funny how life is like the big old ocean

...sometimes like a calm cool morning with the sun reflecting on a few beautiful ripples

...sometimes crashing into the 

rocky shore 

threatening to sweep you into the unknown depths. 

We have spent the last year rushing 

and reading and laughing and griping. 

We have had sore throats 

and broken water heaters.

 We have fought and bickered. 

We have stubbed our toes and  

hurt each other's feelings.

Our yard has burned up in spots

And we have nearly caught the tree on fire grilling greasy burgers.

There were times at the dinner table 

That we gazed into the 

constantly evolving

 faces of our children

 and our hearts practically 

exploded with love and pride.

There were ball games 

and grade cards.

There were jokes and tricks 

And nerf gun wars.

The endless trickle of teenagers and laundry,

Rotten leftovers, and mismatched socks

That added up to the best days...

I am sitting here all sappy.

Thinking back on what has changed 

And really pretty much everything has.

I guess it always will and

Thank God for that!!

Wouldn't life be boring 

if it always had guarantees 

and everything stayed the same??

A couple of weeks ago my baby 

(whom I guess isn't technically a baby) 

told me how lonely she was...

"Mom, I am lonely," 

she said in words beyond her years,

"Lonely at home, lonely at daycare..."

And my ambitious aggressive entrepreneurial spirit melted like a Popsicle in the summer heat.

I have known it for a while...

That I was pushing too hard.

But it was fun to succeed,

To grow a business, 

to be out in the world.

Yet her words cut to the core.

And in moments like that 

There are no questions.

I'm wrapping it up for a while.

Finishing the paint jobs on hand

And then returning to the more

Important task at hand...

HOME.

I have started out

A bit idealistically

Imagining calmer days

In a cleaner house

With carefully prepared

Nutritionally balanced meals

Served to politely seated children

Dressed in their 

Perfectly groomed clothing

Waiting for a charming 

Family communion...

Take today for example...

The goal of

Renewing my faith 

In my simplified life 

Led me and the kids

To the church down the street.

We were all bathed

(Possibly for the first time this summer)

We were on time

(Probably for the first time...ever)

We sat in the middle pew.

I told Elsa that after the singing

She could have a snack.

So after the end of each song

She shouted out,

"Can I have a snack now?"

I thought it was kinda cute.

But cute turned to whining

Whining created gritted teeth

And choppy whispered threats

And threats turned to time outs

In the foyer after I politely smiled

And directed her out.

Which turned into a march to the car

And gritted-er teeth

And that dissolved rapidly into

A three block march home

In my high heeled summer sandals 

With a kicking screaming 

Four year old thrown over my shoulder.

So here is to fresh starts,

To idealistic dreaming,

And best of all

to a napping four year old.

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