Sunday, August 10, 2014

a new leaf 🍃

Funny how life is like the big old ocean
...sometimes like a calm cool morning with the sun reflecting on a few beautiful ripples
...sometimes crashing into the 
rocky shore 
threatening to sweep you into the unknown depths. 

We have spent the last year rushing 
and reading and laughing and griping. 
We have had sore throats 
and broken water heaters.
 We have fought and bickered. 
We have stubbed our toes and  
hurt each other's feelings.
Our yard has burned up in spots
And we have nearly caught the tree on fire grilling greasy burgers.

There were times at the dinner table 
That we gazed into the 
constantly evolving
 faces of our children
 and our hearts practically 
exploded with love and pride.
There were ball games 
and grade cards.
There were jokes and tricks 
And nerf gun wars.
The endless trickle of teenagers and laundry,
Rotten leftovers, and mismatched socks
That added up to the best days...

I am sitting here all sappy.
Thinking back on what has changed 
And really pretty much everything has.
I guess it always will and
Thank God for that!!
Wouldn't life be boring 
if it always had guarantees 
and everything stayed the same??

A couple of weeks ago my baby 
(whom I guess isn't technically a baby) 
told me how lonely she was...
"Mom, I am lonely," 
she said in words beyond her years,
"Lonely at home, lonely at daycare..."
And my ambitious aggressive entrepreneurial spirit melted like a Popsicle in the summer heat.

I have known it for a while...
That I was pushing too hard.
But it was fun to succeed,
To grow a business, 
to be out in the world.

Yet her words cut to the core.
And in moments like that 
There are no questions.

I'm wrapping it up for a while.
Finishing the paint jobs on hand
And then returning to the more
Important task at hand...

I have started out
A bit idealistically
Imagining calmer days
In a cleaner house
With carefully prepared
Nutritionally balanced meals
Served to politely seated children
Dressed in their 
Perfectly groomed clothing
Waiting for a charming 
Family communion...

Take today for example...
The goal of
Renewing my faith 
In my simplified life 
Led me and the kids
To the church down the street.

We were all bathed
(Possibly for the first time this summer)

We were on time
(Probably for the first time...ever)

We sat in the middle pew.
I told Elsa that after the singing
She could have a snack.

So after the end of each song
She shouted out,
"Can I have a snack now?"
I thought it was kinda cute.

But cute turned to whining
Whining created gritted teeth
And choppy whispered threats
And threats turned to time outs
In the foyer after I politely smiled
And directed her out.
Which turned into a march to the car
And gritted-er teeth
And that dissolved rapidly into
A three block march home
In my high heeled summer sandals 
With a kicking screaming 
Four year old thrown over my shoulder.

So here is to fresh starts,
To idealistic dreaming,
And best of all
to a napping four year old.

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