Tuesday, January 17, 2012

my smart phone suffers from domestic violence...

My man got me a smart phone for my birthday.
It is getting me organized.
It has a calendar. 
A list.
A list for lists.
A journal that you can slap in a picture and write a little ditty.
A camera to take those snappy pics,
and even a video camera to catch the fights and show the 
children how ugly it is to argue.  

(Even though they are really only fighting for their mother's attention
and the casting away of the little black screen that has morphed her into a complete zombie)

So I have been a little distracted by this new miracle.

obsessed might be a better word.

But I am beginning to wonder if it is really as "smart" as it should be.
See, on New Year's Day, I hosted the family Christmas.
Realize this was just a few weeks after I got this dandy contraption.
So I figured I would make a few lists to get ready.
The problem is that I have ogre thumbs that constantly bonk out the wrong words on the delicate touch screen. 

We will not go into details on some of the boo boos that I have written,

but in order to avoid these faux pas, I decided to give the voice command a try.

After all, wouldn't it be lovely to just boss something around without rolling eyes?
 I had a few things down on the list already.
Even a few crossed off.
It looked like this.

  • trim nails...what? I have approximately 120 of the buggers to keep track of, you would write it down too...
  • Fold laundry...SURPRISE!!
  • Table Decorations...If you know my mother you know that this is the whole point of even having company.
  • Set up Tables
  • Make Potatoes
  • Make Spiced Apple Cider...Remind me to give you the recipe. YUMMY.
  • Mop Floors
  • Clean Bathrooms.
And then began the voice commands:

ME: thaw turkey
Phone: Song Cherokee

ME: thaw turkey
Phone: Contact 30

ME: thaw turkey
Phone: Knockouts turkey

ME: THaw TURkey
Phone: The Turkey

ME: ok we are getting closer...
       thAW TURkey
Phone: Dog Sharks

ME (yelling):THAW TURKEY
Phone: Tempe.

ME (yelling with a British accent): 
Phone: Bloc Party.

ME (yelling with a British accent wacking my phone on the table): THAW TURKEY YOU STUPID PHONE!!!
Phone: Hi Sexy.

I am not kidding.
Maybe it is smart after all.

Enough said.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA!!!! Ha! HA!!!
    So funny!!! And I beleive it. Oh man...you have me in tears...