Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Clinical Trials:

We went to a well child clinic this week.  You know the ones,
you shuffle your preschooler around to

check their eyes,

    check their ears,

   their teeth,

              their development.

You wonder repeatedly how you managed to forget to teach your kid to walk one foot in front of the other and swear to start training for next year's clinic a few weeks early.
 

You fill out a questionare that asks if your preschooler:

Throws tantrums
never; sometimes; often; always

Shares toys
never; sometimes; often; always

Accepts Limits

never; sometimes; often; always



Some of the questions I thought would've been better suited for the mother.

Does your preschooler Mother:

Frequently change moods
never; sometimes; often; always


Use acceptable behavior
to solve problems
never; sometimes; often; always

Understand and Express Feelings

never; sometimes; often; always


Your kid clams up and won't talk until the well meaning screeners ask them to identify a picture of a fridge.

Screener: "What's this?"

Milo: "It's a fridge."

Screener: "Right! What's in it?"

Milo: "Yucky stuff."

ahem...i guess i need to clean out the fridge more often.


But I guess it could have been worse; one of the ladies there told me that a child once answered a question this way:

Screener:"Finish this sentence:
    Mommy is a girl,
    daddy is a...?"


Kid: "Creep."





Monday, March 28, 2011

blown balloon blues

 



I sign Milo up for preschool today.
Don't know if I should sing or cry.  He is a sweetie pie, but I think he's getting bored with me.


This weekend he had a balloon with a face drawn on it.  When we opened the car door at wally world that nasty old wind stole it away.  Due to the fact that this was the 99th
straw-that-caused-an-emotional-breakdown of the day, he got really blue.



He cried and fussed.
(you know it's a bad sign when you walk
into the store with a screamer)

Finally he settled down and said,
"Maybe my balloon flew up to heaven and God is holding it for me."


{Que mom's heart melting onto walmart floor}




         










Friday, March 18, 2011

Getting even.

Five tips for torturing teens:




  • Offer to chaperon dances with hair like this:





    • Beat them over and over playing BS card game by using slight of hand magic tricks

    • Text them self portraits like this one:
       





    • Take away cell phone and change wallpaper to this one:




    • Hug them and kiss them and squeeze them over and over and over. (this one doesn't really count cuz they are just pretending that they don't love it)


    Wednesday, March 9, 2011

    Crazy Train

    Bills and bottles,
     dirty socks
    breakfast, dinner, teenage talks.
    fill the car with gasoline
    apologise for
    talking mean.
    Get up early,
    stay up late.
    Consider sleeping in
    a date.
    Watching babies grow
    up fast,
    hold on tight it sure don't last.

    Tuesday, March 1, 2011

    I know its past my bedtime when.........

    • my 3 year old and 14 year old are bantering back and forth with..."don't talk to me," "no don't talk to me"


    • Josi starts telling a story over and over while trying to hang off of my back and lean around my head to give me a kiss

    • a menagerie of animals and miscellaneous toys appear on my ankle?


    • I am hunched over the computer posting sappy statuses all over facebook

    • the midnight munchies hit and I try sucking the chocolate fudge ice cream topping straight from the bottle

    • the computer keyboard falls asleep while I am typing

    • instead of just checking my account balances online, I decide it is a perfect time to reconcile 8 months worth of statements

    • every single toy ever invented creates a three foot carpet across the living room floor


    • I notice that I am counting the cursor blinks between typing


    • I realise that this list could go on for 6.5 more hours and that the signs would just continue to accumulate

    Saturday, February 5, 2011

    Saturday Quote of the Week

    This one is from a while back, but priceless....



    "MOM! You are like so whatever!"
                         
        -Josi(rolling eyes)