This morning started out like any typical morning.
Baby wakes up.
Sleep walk to get the baby.
Feed the baby…
go back to sleep.
Have a few weird morning dreams.
Eventually convince myself to get up.
Go into the privy…….
I will spare you a few details.
But then today things got a little crazy.
Staaaaay with me here…
I was sitting there when a
mouse
darted across the floor.
Let me just say that mice to me are THE worst.
Yes, I am one of those
jump-up-on-a-chair kinda girls.
THE MOUSE SCURRIED
ACROSS THE FLOOR.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!
Keep in mind that in my
cracker-box-farmhouse,
the bathroom is
tiny.
Which means the mouse was within
a few feet!
But not my feet.
Because suddenly I was standing on top of the john.
It took the entire half ounce of self-control that I possess,
not to shriek.
A verification of the gargantuan value of moments
when slumber reins the multitudes
In desperation the mouse ran back and forth
across the doorway
in search of an escape route.
Similarly my mind darted
back and forth
in search of an escape route.
One of us was going to have to leave the lavatory.
I am taking deep breaths
even as I type.
Keep it together girl.
Keep it together.
Scan bathroom for
weapon.
Scan bathroom for
prince charming??
Scan bathroom for
cell phone??????
Would 911 respond to this call?
PLUNGER!
Perfect.
And actually it turned out like a video game.
Wack.
Mouse runs.
Hop down from toilet,
jump onto edge of tub.
Wack.
Hop down from tub,
jump onto toilet.
Gasp as mouse runs vertically UP hamper!
Wack.
Hop down from toilet,
jump onto edge of tub.
*W*A*C*K*
Now we are both stunned.
Well, one of us might be dead,
but you can never be sure.
After a few moments of regained composure (on my part)
I got a handful of TP.
But what if there was still movement???
HEARTATTACK!!
So I grabbed a rag, too.
And, unbeknownst to me,
dumped a half of a box of Q-tips on the floor.
Tossed mouse outside.
LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY.
Coulda been the next YouTube sensation.
