Monday, September 5, 2011

Tips on becoming urban

Town life is sinking into my bones.

The education on being civilized has been interesting to say the least.

So if you are getting ready to shed your rural status and head into the high life here are a few pointers:
  • Starting with the obvious: You cannot pee in your yard in town

  • Grass is as easy to grow as goat-head stickers as long as you have a sprinkler system and a teenager to mow
    • side note: we have killed a few spots, but only to give the rest of the grass warning as to who is in charge around here

    • side note #2-I guess that's what the different bullets mean-butanyways...if you don't follow the tip about peeing, you will end up with yellow spots in the yard.  At least that's what the neighbor said referring to his dogs.

  • You have to park the right direction in front of the house.  Otherwise a police officer will tap on your door and your three year old will yell "the cops are coming!!" which makes you feel like you are more gangsta than you had thought.

  • Do not use the cool orange cones surrounding the missing pavement as sleeves for your tennis game.  It is a possibility that a driver would be distracted by your awesomeness and drive into the hole. 

    • for demonstration purposes:  
Please note illegal parking job. Geez.
    • Fortunately there was no traffic the day of the demonstration

  • There are different ways of disposing stuff in town
    • Grass clippings go in a separate can from your trash. Then you shove that grass disposal can in your minivan after it has sat around for a week.  You drive it to the dumping pile on the edge of town.
      • added bonus: a car that smells like fermented grass clippings!!!

    • Gallons of grease from boyscout pig roasting do not go out to the edge of your property for the coyotes.
      • After consulting various city experts, no one really knew what to do with all of that. 

  • If you throw a tantrum at the park on the Fourth of July and your Mom drags you home and you lose your boots in the process, the great ladies at the town hall will return them to your front door in just a few days!
  • Lastly, your move to town allows for quick trips to run errands.  If you wait for that "trip to town" you will become a hermit and have to hire a babysitter and spend a whole day running around!  

  May your journey to becoming civilized be full of wonder
...and God bless the neighbors.

1 comment:

  1. Yep, we got a visit from the police for the same parking thing when we first moved to CO!

    I will admit to bringing a large bag of "paper things that should be shredded before putting in the city trash" home so dad could just put it all in the burn barrel.. so much easier!!